Sable Noir Citrine

A collection of the previously approved/denied character's applications complete with feedback posts for future reference.
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Vote for approval?

Yes
5
100%
No
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 5
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Sable Citrine
Posts: 33
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2021 2:39 pm
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus (Two-horned Darkling Beetle, horns)
Aura Color: Emerald Green
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Nightmare Factory
Weapon Name: Gravedigger

Eyyy, it's dat time again Colorz!

Here's my beetle, I hope you like her.

1. I'm over 18
2. Tons of experience

3. Here's a sample.

Drip... Drip...

The length of pale skin caught the moonlight, draped over black satin, a hand cloaked by small rivers of black as liquid slowly ran down the length of the digits, falling cautiously to the floor.

Drip... Drip...

A pool of darkness collected under the hand, boiling tumultuously while the girl slept, writhing about as if it held some sort of sentience, and slowly, it was given form.

Drip... Drip...

But suddenly, with a start, Sable awoke, gasping hideously amidst the thick, dry air as her lungs fought in fright to keep her from suffocation, and joining the thick, opaque liquid, a single drop of sweat made its way down her arm. The stuff on the floor quickly evaporated away, and she was left there in the dark, her bright green eyes wide and staring motionless at the wall. Eventually, they crept sideways, until she could see the numbers on the clock. Two-thirty in the morning. Good... She had only been asleep for three hours...
Last edited by Sable Citrine on Tue Feb 23, 2021 12:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Ax L Rose
Posts: 282
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2021 2:27 pm
Age: 23
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus - Major Mitchell's Cockatoo - Feathers
Aura Color: Electric Blue
Occupation: Huntress
Semblance Name: Harmonize
Weapon Name: Electra Heart + Rebel Yell

I don't think Sable is so flawed that she couldn't be permissible as a freelancer, so my vote is yes. That said, I found a lot of things I'd consider flaws that I'd love to see addressed regarding how the character is currently presented. I hope you'll continue iterating on and developing Sable in the future so she feels less abstract and more grounded.

I've decided to truncate my critique here publicly and send you the bulk of my thoughts over PM, since this got pretty long and wordy and I'm not 100% confident in the quality of my feedback.
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Crystallize the pain,
Nothing is the same,
Hell is here, and it's here to stay.
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Al Ciendra
Posts: 398
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2021 5:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus (Wolf-Ears and Fangs)
Aura Color: Orange
Occupation: Beacon Student
Semblance Name: Volcanic Heart
Weapon Name: Arcum and Gladio

Creepy yet cute and with such a creative and versatile semblance.
I really do like Sable and I'm looking forward to seeing those few rare moments she braves up and has her hero moments! ^^

So yeah, I'm definitely giving Sable a yes.
Al chatters in #FF5500
User avatar
Sable Citrine
Posts: 33
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2021 2:39 pm
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus (Two-horned Darkling Beetle, horns)
Aura Color: Emerald Green
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Nightmare Factory
Weapon Name: Gravedigger

Thank you both for the feedback and compliments! *swims in compliments*
SheidelII
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 10:47 pm
Age: 0
Gender Identity: Male
Occupation:

Gravedigger and Nightmare Factory are both quite the pieces of work. Sable’s Semblance has a wide variety of use, but you do a neat concept of imposing limitations with the theme and how it interacts with not only her intent, but her character as a whole. Afflictions and inner turmoil that are both integral parts you’ve established as aspects to Sable are represented nicely through it. It's reinforced by what you provide in the Personality section that gives a really solid look into her as a person.

You seem well aware of the implications that Nightmare Factory possesses, but I’ll still mention my concerns for its effects if just for the sake of it. It has the potential to be a flexible answer to a lot of situations, but the limits are written where they are tied to the character’s mentality like I said. It’s development and potential is also tied to the character’s own development, gaining strength when Sable herself will grow as a character. Well done with that.

The same can be said with Sable’s strengths and weaknesses, of which you’ve outlined well.

It's a 'Yes' from me.
User avatar
Myron Hyles
Posts: 81
Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:58 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Human
Aura Color: Turquoise
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Sleeping Spell
Weapon Name: 40 Winks

Wow, that's a complex character, so much that her personality is actually longer to describe than her backstory. She's very interesting, but also inconsistent : the fact that her powerful Semblance depends on her state of mind sets her up for some good development. I think this is the most precise picture I've had of a character through their profile.
It's definitely going to be weird writing from her perspective, so I hope you'll manage. In short, Yes.

Unless I'm blind (not impossible), you never mentioned how exactly Amalgam behaves regarding her Aura reserves : it's basically liquid/solid Aura, but does it take damage from hits (since it's not protecting her body) ? Can enough force break/liquefy the solid form ? Its relation to her mentality is well described, though, props to you for this.
*Drawls in #82E6E6*

Theme song / Extended profile
User avatar
Sable Citrine
Posts: 33
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2021 2:39 pm
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus (Two-horned Darkling Beetle, horns)
Aura Color: Emerald Green
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Nightmare Factory
Weapon Name: Gravedigger

Thank you guys for the compliments <3

I'm gunna fix up her Semblance description ASAP when I have the time, as that seems to be where most of the concerns lie. I'll probably end up having to make it really long just for the sake of clarity, because most of the questions ya'll have brought up can be answered to my knowledge. I tried to keep it simple but honestly, it's just as complicated as her personality is sooo > > yeah, could use more detail I guess haha
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Maria Ravenheart
Posts: 28
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2021 10:11 am
Age: 19
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Human
Aura Color: Red
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Red Lightning
Weapon Name: Fatalis

There are a few things I like and dislike about Sable.

Beside what had already been said, I like the idea of a more gothic character focusing on horror aspect. I like gothic horror a lot. Sable's semblance also have great potentials for both combat and roleplay purposes, being able go summon Amalgan and morph it to whatever (unless I read it wrong).

What I dislike is her mental issues. I don't problems with mental issues itself. Maria suffers from PTSD as well, and another handful of other students, maybe the main casts also have the same problems as far as I can tell. With that being said, when a character has such a detailed list of Phobias and especially something as severe as schizophrenia, Beacon obviously has to run a mental stability checks on their students, and I find it rather hard to believe they would let Sable slip by.

With that said, Beacon staff are anything but perfect, with some staff membersbeing as... "unique" as they are, so it's entirely possible that what I had mentioned is completely overlooked.

Overall, it's still a yes from me :)
User avatar
Sable Citrine
Posts: 33
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2021 2:39 pm
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus (Two-horned Darkling Beetle, horns)
Aura Color: Emerald Green
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Nightmare Factory
Weapon Name: Gravedigger

Yeah, it was kind of hard to get across that like, despite her phobias and mental issue she is still a functional person, but I hope I did a bit of that somewhere at least. Basically, in an ideal capacity, the Beacon staff know about Sable's conditions and she has a treatment plan in place and acts on it and as long as she doesn't mess that up, she should be fine. But of course one reason I wanna play this character is to kind of raise awareness about schizophrenia. The media and stuff often times depict it as this serious, crazy problem that makes people go crazy and stab others when in reality it's not really... that. It does cause hallucinations and, if not treated properly, can make people develop a psychosis (full break with reality) but in most cases, it doesn't get that severe. In Sable's case, it only ever happened once, and she's not really violent by nature, so she didn't harm anybody :P more like, completely freaked out and hid in a corner terrorized for a day or so until her parents finally had to submit her to the hospital. That's basically when they realized that she had the illness though and hasn't happened for years. However, the illness comes with its own ins and outs like any mental issue does and it has its own varying degrees of how much it's effecting a person like PTSD might, so most days are fine and some are just worse than others.

That being said, this does bring up a valid point even if you didn't mean to: I could hopefully focus and work on making her seem more stable and functional on the normal average day. I want to portray her problems, sure, but it will be rare if it even happens that she gets in so deep that it becomes a whole thing in the RP itself. She isn't crazy, she's actually quite normal, she just... also sees spiders where there aren't any, which is kind of disarming if you're, say, giving a speech in class or whatever.

Her fears are also pretty pronounced, but don't always remove her ability to think, I guess. She might jump at the sound of some machine making a loud noise but it probably won't freak her out so bad she needs to leave, but it does have the potential for being overwhelming if she, say, walks out onto the floor of a heavy factory in the middle of peak production hours and is surrounded by grinding metal, turning gears, banging hammers, whatever. That's probably gunna make her leave. But it's easy to avoid places like that, so generally not that big of an issue.
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