Carmine Crest

[Carmine Crest]

1. Are you 18 or older?
Yes.

2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much?
I've been on numerous roleplay sites for nearly 5 years now although it should be noted that this is my first time doing a RWBY rp.

3. You may include an optional (SHORT!) Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing.

Carmine's eyes came under assault as the blinding light from the rising sun suddenly invaded his hotel room, the teen groaning and rolling over in bed away from the light in hopes of going back to sleep yet as the minutes rolled by, he quickly realized whatever sleep he could've gotten had been robbed. Grumbling to himself, he forced himself up and to make his way to the shower, shedding his night clothing on his way so by the time he ended the washroom he could simply enter the shower and enjoy the warm water as he gathered his thoughts and fully woken up.

Today was a Sunday, meaning the gym was closed so training was off limits for the time being and as far as he could remember, he had nothing specific planned for today either. It seemed today was going to be another day of wandering around Vale and seeing what he could find within the city, thankfully the nights he rented should last him until Beacon so finding work wasn't much a concern.

Stepping out of the shower, Carmine spared a quick glance toward the mirror and frowned at the sight of himself, his hair was a mess as usual and bags were forming underneath the good side of his face's eye. He could take solace in the fact that his mask and hoodie would hide those things out of sight alongside the burn and in a bittersweet way, the burns would hide his state of restlessness as well should it come to that. Sighing, Carmine dried himself off before getting dressed in his usual attire, arguably not the most efficient clothing for an aspiring huntsmen but he was never one for attracting attention, at least that's what he told himself as he put on his mask and prepared for yet another day in Vale.

[Bastion Sandstone]

I like the character, but a couple of things. His reason to become a Huntsman is the reason many become cops and detectives, not so much Special Ops level of Mercenaries. I mean sure, a Huntsman could do more than police as a vigilante, but their purpose is against the Grimm.

Also, I know the RP sample doesn't mean much, but who the heck turned on the lights?

[Carmine Crest]

I altered the history to provide a better reasoning on his career choice and also clarified the source of light in the sample, just let me know if there's anything else that needs changing or improving.

[Bartok Evergreen]

I'm ready to say yes, but you do know that Pharos is outside of Vale while Beacon is inside, right? Did you mean Signal Academy? Or did he in fact attend Pharos before transfering to Beacon?

EDIT: I'm dumb and should research my schools before I talk about them. Disregard this. I thought there was only Signal Academy inside Vale. Sorry.

[SheidelII]

Possibly think of detailing what kind of gun Cadel and Maria turn into once in their ranged mode. It’s a bit vague as it is, so adding a bit more can help paint a clearer image of what you have in mind.

Crisis Control should include the drain it has on his Aura, how that minute of “time dilation” for him needs some amount of his Aura to activate or having it in effect places a steady drain on his reserves. Another thing to consider mentioning is if Crisis Control can be used consecutively. It can be used for up to a minute or so, but what about in bursts? Does Crisis Control strain him to use in one-minute intervals with breaks in between? About how long would the breaks be before it starts taking its toll on Carmine? I also feel like two minutes causing an entire day of vision loss is kind of a steep drawback. Mental fatigue might be something to consider, or black spots in his vision that last for a while. Something less serious than blinding himself for 24 hours. Just a suggestion.

The rest of Carmine Crest’s profile is pretty solid.

[Myron Hyles]

I agree with SheidelII, his Semblance is neat but not so powerful as to have a drawback as big as basically the inability to fight.
In fact, it wouldn't bother me if it didn't have any consequence besides draining Aura. But yeah, slightly impaired vision seems more reasonable than actual blindness.

There's a small problem with his fighting style, too : I'm totally fine with his out-boxing style, but saying he takes advantage of his "better reach" when his weapon are brass knuckles (with blades) is weird. He's on the tall side, but most Grimm are taller and a lot of Huntsmen have longer weapons.

All in all, Carmine is a good character, with a (for once) underpowered Semblance, imo.

[Carmine Crest]

Completely forgot to state what kind of weapon Cadel and Maria are, that was my mistake and I have fixed it. I have also clarified what I meant by his longer reach, I got caught up on boxing that both the grimm's size and other people's weapons often give them far better melee range.

As for Crisis Control, I made it more clear what I am intending for it alongside easing up on the drawback, my sense of balance is still uncertain so figured it's better to lowball than to overshot. Thank you for the feedback.

[SheidelII]

The new details make nice additions. Just be aware that hard numbers aren't required when writing the limits of a Semblance, so instead of measuring in hours or percentages, you can be a little vaguer with it, such as "a while" or "steady chunks of his Aura", terms like those. Other than that, I think Carmine Crest is set to begin his adventures.

[Myron Hyles]

Like I said, he's a good character, so I'm giving him a Yes after the corrections.

I agree with SheidelII, in fact I think it would be possible to be vague about his eyes too. You could something write like "the longer he uses his Semblance, the more his vision is impaired" and decide the precise effects like "seeing double" during the fights. Your choice.

[Kailyn Keison]

You've got my 'yes'. I'm a little unsure as to what the 'ranged mode' of his weapons is supposed to look like, exactly, but the old 'it's also a gun' adage works for me.