1. Are you 18 or older? We want to know if anyone is under 18 years of age. Being under 18 will not bar you from participating in our community. Rather, this will allow us to gauge who is acting inappropriately toward minors.
Yes, I am older than 18 years.
2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much? You can be brief. This is intended to help us provide useful feedback in your approval.
I have been roleplaying in forums and other play-by-post communities for about four or five years now, and have been writing creatively independently for over a decade. I also have some experience with table top RPGs.
3. You may include an optional (SHORT!) Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing.
Citrine wove between cars with a cackle of glee, easily exceeding the speed limits as she sped down the street. She was approaching an intersection she knew well; she knew police officers were often stationed in the intersection to catch people speeding or running lights, both of which Citrine had gotten in trouble for on several previous occasions. She didn't want to know how Asher would react if she got yet another speeding ticket. Well, she couldn't get a ticket if she couldn't get caught, right?
With a laugh, Citrine swerved to the right, jumping the curb and aiming towards an office building. Instead of crashing into the wall, the bike rotated, climbing up the vertical surface with ease. It didn't take long for her to reach the roof of the building.
She cleared the gaps between buildings with ease, leaping over them with the momentum of her bike and Glitching across gaps when she needed to. She didn't notice her mistake until it was too late. With the angle at which she had plotted her course, she hadn't realized that the last building didn't have any place to land after it until she was already mid freefall.
Citrine and her bike disappeared in a flash of green, reappearing on the ground. That didn't negate the force of the distance she had already fallen, however, leading to a not so pleasant landing. The bike jostled and skidded, sending Citrine slipping from her seat. She hit the ground hard, rolling through the impact; she winced at the sound of a sickening crunch that she could only imagine was Ex-Machina hitting a lamp post.
Climbing to her feet, Citrine surveyed the damage. The hardlight shields had held up, her bike was undamaged, and she was only a little dusty to boot. A crooked grin spread across her face.
"Nailed it."
Citrine Locke
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Citrine Locke
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2020 11:43 pm
- Age: 17
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Neon Green
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: Glitch
- Weapon Name: Ex-Machina and Verenium Strýchnos
Last edited by Citrine Locke on Sat Dec 19, 2020 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Bastion Sandstone
- Posts: 111
- Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 11:45 pm
- Age: 19
- Gender Identity: Male
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Sandy-tan
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: True Grit
- Weapon Name: Diplomacy
I love this punky little ball of attitude, but as of the moment, No, and for the reasons listed below.
Glitch:
Glitch needs to be looked at again in terms of how it interacts with objects, specifically objects in people's possession. If she can imbue some Aura into her bike, then what's to say others who have trained and worked with and built their guns and swords and what not wouldn't have the same, and therefore perhaps could not be glitched out of their possession? Another Huntsman's weapons shouldn't be glitched out of their hands or while on their person, nor any object, for that matter, in someone's possession. In an enviroment where you are writing with multiple other people, Glitching objects just doesn't work. In a fight with, well, anybody? Glitch weapon into hand, glitch to mountain, drop weapon, glitch back. It's just too big.
And then there is the range for Glitch. Glitching to anywhere you can see, including the horizon? That is insane. Even with the drawbacks, that's just incredibly powerful. Glitch, as it stands, can rob basically any situation of any tension unless she somehow got caught in an enclosed space with a bomb that was sealed shut.
In short, distance and manipulating objects needs to be reworked to get my vote.
Equipment:
Ex-Machina is an insanely cool bike, but it being big and having all of this butt-kicking potential sort of pushes it towards the 'Mech' line, which is not allowed for students to have. You can have a motorcycle, sure, and even the gravity dust to run on walls is cool and fine with me, but I feel it simply does too much. Getting rid of the hovering and the rocket launcher and grappling hook(She can glitch anyway, doesn't need this) would be appropriate, I think.
The bullet catching gloves.
Like, That'd have to be some very thick steel not to get dented and punched through, and catching it in between fingers looks cool, but no way could she put the amount of force to stop that much momentum on her fingers. Those would have to be giant metal mitts, and then there's no point in glitching the bullets. I don't really see Citrine as being a very hand-strong or dexterous person to catch bullets like this, and doesn't really fit the theme. Glitching away from bullets works well, not catching them.
With these things addressed and another read through to spot-check, I'd be very happy to give you my affirmative vote.
Glitch:
Glitch needs to be looked at again in terms of how it interacts with objects, specifically objects in people's possession. If she can imbue some Aura into her bike, then what's to say others who have trained and worked with and built their guns and swords and what not wouldn't have the same, and therefore perhaps could not be glitched out of their possession? Another Huntsman's weapons shouldn't be glitched out of their hands or while on their person, nor any object, for that matter, in someone's possession. In an enviroment where you are writing with multiple other people, Glitching objects just doesn't work. In a fight with, well, anybody? Glitch weapon into hand, glitch to mountain, drop weapon, glitch back. It's just too big.
And then there is the range for Glitch. Glitching to anywhere you can see, including the horizon? That is insane. Even with the drawbacks, that's just incredibly powerful. Glitch, as it stands, can rob basically any situation of any tension unless she somehow got caught in an enclosed space with a bomb that was sealed shut.
In short, distance and manipulating objects needs to be reworked to get my vote.
Equipment:
Ex-Machina is an insanely cool bike, but it being big and having all of this butt-kicking potential sort of pushes it towards the 'Mech' line, which is not allowed for students to have. You can have a motorcycle, sure, and even the gravity dust to run on walls is cool and fine with me, but I feel it simply does too much. Getting rid of the hovering and the rocket launcher and grappling hook(She can glitch anyway, doesn't need this) would be appropriate, I think.
The bullet catching gloves.
Like, That'd have to be some very thick steel not to get dented and punched through, and catching it in between fingers looks cool, but no way could she put the amount of force to stop that much momentum on her fingers. Those would have to be giant metal mitts, and then there's no point in glitching the bullets. I don't really see Citrine as being a very hand-strong or dexterous person to catch bullets like this, and doesn't really fit the theme. Glitching away from bullets works well, not catching them.
With these things addressed and another read through to spot-check, I'd be very happy to give you my affirmative vote.
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SheidelII
- Posts: 54
- Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 10:47 pm
- Age: 0
- Gender Identity: Male
- Occupation:
After reading through this, I cannot approve Citrine Locke's character sheet as it is.
The major reasons are: Ex-Machina and Glitch.
As Huntsmen in training, students of an academy are expected to be specialists with Aura. Acceptable breaks from reality with weapons are allowed as long as they keep in the spirit of the show, but Ex-Machina falls under the category of weaponized platforms rather than a weapon. I'm referencing Gearing Up Appropriately under the Character Creation Guide when I say that Ex-Machina wouldn't be allowed as Citrine Locke's primary weapon. "Students are expected to reach their greatest potential in a fight without the assistance of a massive powered exoskeleton of any kind. If anyone could take the entrance exam with a large armored weapons platform, why wouldn’t everyone?"
A weaponized motorcycle equipped with rockets, harpoon/grappling hooks, and hardlight shields with Dust ejection exhausts would not be acceptable for Colors' setting. Citrine's dependence on Ex-Machina is also a major point towards that ruling as she is said to be very weak when not using it. "Citrine’s biggest weakness in combat is her reliance on her bike. She is not as skilled a fighter when fighting on her feet, and always assumes she will have access to her bike, thus she is not well prepared for having to fight without her bike."
Under that condition, I don't think Citrine Locke would qualify for a Huntsman academy.
"-you go to a military academy to learn to do things that the military does, like operate siege weapons and heavily armored vehicles. You go to a Huntsman Academy to be a specialist with aura."
Citrine Locke's Semblance, Glitch, also has issues in a collaborative writing environment as well as with its scope of abilities. The points I want to address are its ability to take someone's possession without any wat to resist as well as the range being "line of sight".
The ability to take away someone's possession is a red flag on its own as Glitch demonstrates the ability to take an object that fits in Citrine's hand. Weapons being the main mention. Taking away someone's weapon, effectively disarming them without them being given a chance to contest it, is problematic as it shuts them down from being able to interact with Citrine in any way in that instance. Fights would end in almost an instant as Citrine could simply take away their weapon and then "glitch" away, making the confrontation completely one-sided without any way to counter. This doesn't make for a fun interaction. Some way to resist it, such as the object channeling someone's Aura being able to resist to canceling Glitch's influence, should be implemented. Otherwise, it's really easy to deny anyone an interaction.
"Line of sight" for a teleportation Semblance is huge. "When it comes to Glitching herself, Citrine can only Glitch to places she can see. This means that while she could Glitch to the horizon-" That is a massive range. Even if Citrine has a cooldown for long distances, it's still not a considerable drawback for being able to basically negate distance for her. Escaping any situation becomes easy for her. The drain it has on Aura also doesn't seem significant enough for the payout. The drain it puts on Citrine should be defined a bit more and the range should probably be scaled down.
I don't have an issue with Glitch as a concept. Citrine bonding with an object which allows Glitch to affect it over a large range with less drain is also acceptable.
Other than that, I only have the minor suggestion of Citrine being able to catch bullets. Since melee is not her primary method of combat: "She is not as skilled a fighter when fighting on her feet", I don't think she would possess the dexterity and skill necessary to pull that off.
It is for these reasons that I vote 'No' on this character sheet.
A motorcycle with some fancy bells and whistles is fine, but arming it and having it be the character's main weapon is what makes Ex-Machina go against the rulings.
The major reasons are: Ex-Machina and Glitch.
As Huntsmen in training, students of an academy are expected to be specialists with Aura. Acceptable breaks from reality with weapons are allowed as long as they keep in the spirit of the show, but Ex-Machina falls under the category of weaponized platforms rather than a weapon. I'm referencing Gearing Up Appropriately under the Character Creation Guide when I say that Ex-Machina wouldn't be allowed as Citrine Locke's primary weapon. "Students are expected to reach their greatest potential in a fight without the assistance of a massive powered exoskeleton of any kind. If anyone could take the entrance exam with a large armored weapons platform, why wouldn’t everyone?"
A weaponized motorcycle equipped with rockets, harpoon/grappling hooks, and hardlight shields with Dust ejection exhausts would not be acceptable for Colors' setting. Citrine's dependence on Ex-Machina is also a major point towards that ruling as she is said to be very weak when not using it. "Citrine’s biggest weakness in combat is her reliance on her bike. She is not as skilled a fighter when fighting on her feet, and always assumes she will have access to her bike, thus she is not well prepared for having to fight without her bike."
Under that condition, I don't think Citrine Locke would qualify for a Huntsman academy.
"-you go to a military academy to learn to do things that the military does, like operate siege weapons and heavily armored vehicles. You go to a Huntsman Academy to be a specialist with aura."
Citrine Locke's Semblance, Glitch, also has issues in a collaborative writing environment as well as with its scope of abilities. The points I want to address are its ability to take someone's possession without any wat to resist as well as the range being "line of sight".
The ability to take away someone's possession is a red flag on its own as Glitch demonstrates the ability to take an object that fits in Citrine's hand. Weapons being the main mention. Taking away someone's weapon, effectively disarming them without them being given a chance to contest it, is problematic as it shuts them down from being able to interact with Citrine in any way in that instance. Fights would end in almost an instant as Citrine could simply take away their weapon and then "glitch" away, making the confrontation completely one-sided without any way to counter. This doesn't make for a fun interaction. Some way to resist it, such as the object channeling someone's Aura being able to resist to canceling Glitch's influence, should be implemented. Otherwise, it's really easy to deny anyone an interaction.
"Line of sight" for a teleportation Semblance is huge. "When it comes to Glitching herself, Citrine can only Glitch to places she can see. This means that while she could Glitch to the horizon-" That is a massive range. Even if Citrine has a cooldown for long distances, it's still not a considerable drawback for being able to basically negate distance for her. Escaping any situation becomes easy for her. The drain it has on Aura also doesn't seem significant enough for the payout. The drain it puts on Citrine should be defined a bit more and the range should probably be scaled down.
I don't have an issue with Glitch as a concept. Citrine bonding with an object which allows Glitch to affect it over a large range with less drain is also acceptable.
Other than that, I only have the minor suggestion of Citrine being able to catch bullets. Since melee is not her primary method of combat: "She is not as skilled a fighter when fighting on her feet", I don't think she would possess the dexterity and skill necessary to pull that off.
It is for these reasons that I vote 'No' on this character sheet.
A motorcycle with some fancy bells and whistles is fine, but arming it and having it be the character's main weapon is what makes Ex-Machina go against the rulings.
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Citrine Locke
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2020 11:43 pm
- Age: 17
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Neon Green
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: Glitch
- Weapon Name: Ex-Machina and Verenium Strýchnos
Okie, so. there are a few things i would to discuss/comment on before making edits.
First off, I agree with the comments about her semblance. I have no emotional investment to the scope of abilities her semblance allows, I'll happily edit it/limit it. It was more put in as a "if i'm allows to do this, cool. if not, it's whatever." I'll come up for a reason as to why she can't just glitch people's weapons out of their hands. Maybe.... hm.... maybe she has to have touched the object before in order to be able to glitch it to her? Or maybe like.... somethingsomething weapons are an extension of the self....somethingsomething aura... ......she can't glitch ppl so glitching their weapons doesn't work bc its the same as trying to glitch the person....somethingsomethingsomething..... idk specifics. i'm open to any ideas y'all have!
now, the main point of discussion: my beloved bike
i see how it can pose a problem/why parts of it could be considered op, especially given that, with the site being new, there's not much to compare it to, so it looked even more powerful in comparison.
however, i am more emotionally invested in the bike, so rather than just blindly changing everything, i'd prefer to discuss, negotiate, and come to a compromise regarding the bike.
the current edits i'm proposing to lesson the abilities and power level of the bike are as follows:
- ditch the dust ejection feature
- ditch the shields and instead just have the bike be made of a durable metal like a regular huntsman weapon (the shields were originally only there bc a regular bike would not be able to survive huntsman-level combat so i needed a practical/realistic reason for it to not get destroyed every time she went into combat. but if i just give the bike the same durability as a regular weapon, shields won't be needed)
- edit the rockets*
*there are several ways this could happen:
- replacing the rockets with machinegun turrets
Pros: bullets do less damage than rockets, this would be a lot less powerful
Cons: it would most likely involve ditching verenium strychnos (bc why would she need two machine guns), which may be impractical since it would leave her weaponless if she was somewhere she couldn't bring her bike (e.g the water, snow). and also the fc is blatantly depicted with a gun in just about every picture, so i would feel weird not including said gun haha
- ditch the rockets entirely and just have the harpoons**
Pros: no more op rockets
Cons: this may defeat ex-machina's purpose of being citrine's main weapon in combat
- limit the amount of rockets
Pros: two per side (or whatever) is a lot less op than like... six per side haha
Cons: none that i can think of (rockets aren't easy to come by, after all, so they'd be used more as like "last case emergencies" than a casual weapon)
other things of note:
there are a few comments i saw repeated that i think just require some clarification on my part rather than a total rework.
mainly, the fact that she relies so much on her bike. I know this is impractical, I know it is a problem, I did that intentionally. It is meant to be one of her biggest character flaws. Her reliance on her bike is something she will have to learn to overcome during her time at Beacon; it is planned to be part of her character arc to learn how to not rely so heavily on her bike (like how ruby relies too much on crescent rose).
second, catching bullets and stuff. I do agree that catching bullets specifically is a bit much, and so I shall be getting rid of that aspect and sticking just to slower projectiles like arrows and knives (both of which regular people can catch irl). the one thing i thought might need to be clarified with the skill is that she isn't actually catching anything, she's just teleporting it into her hand. so it doesn't rely on her reflexes/coordination, it's more like putting her hand in a position then teleporting the object to that position, so it just looks like she's "catching" an object, when really she's just teleporting it into her hand.
**third, one of you mentioned how she wouldn't need harpoons if she can just glitch, so i thought i should clarify that the harpoons would do more than just move her bike around, they can also pull objects towards her, entangle opponents, and can also help her move around if for whatever reason she can't use her semblance (her aura is too low, she's too tired, etc). so in other words i personally disagree that all uses of her harpoons can be replaced with glitching.
i hope that clears those things up!! :)
I would love to get your thoughts on my ideas, especially in regards to the bike edits. thanks so much for the feedback!! :)
First off, I agree with the comments about her semblance. I have no emotional investment to the scope of abilities her semblance allows, I'll happily edit it/limit it. It was more put in as a "if i'm allows to do this, cool. if not, it's whatever." I'll come up for a reason as to why she can't just glitch people's weapons out of their hands. Maybe.... hm.... maybe she has to have touched the object before in order to be able to glitch it to her? Or maybe like.... somethingsomething weapons are an extension of the self....somethingsomething aura... ......she can't glitch ppl so glitching their weapons doesn't work bc its the same as trying to glitch the person....somethingsomethingsomething..... idk specifics. i'm open to any ideas y'all have!
now, the main point of discussion: my beloved bike
i see how it can pose a problem/why parts of it could be considered op, especially given that, with the site being new, there's not much to compare it to, so it looked even more powerful in comparison.
however, i am more emotionally invested in the bike, so rather than just blindly changing everything, i'd prefer to discuss, negotiate, and come to a compromise regarding the bike.
the current edits i'm proposing to lesson the abilities and power level of the bike are as follows:
- ditch the dust ejection feature
- ditch the shields and instead just have the bike be made of a durable metal like a regular huntsman weapon (the shields were originally only there bc a regular bike would not be able to survive huntsman-level combat so i needed a practical/realistic reason for it to not get destroyed every time she went into combat. but if i just give the bike the same durability as a regular weapon, shields won't be needed)
- edit the rockets*
*there are several ways this could happen:
- replacing the rockets with machinegun turrets
Pros: bullets do less damage than rockets, this would be a lot less powerful
Cons: it would most likely involve ditching verenium strychnos (bc why would she need two machine guns), which may be impractical since it would leave her weaponless if she was somewhere she couldn't bring her bike (e.g the water, snow). and also the fc is blatantly depicted with a gun in just about every picture, so i would feel weird not including said gun haha
- ditch the rockets entirely and just have the harpoons**
Pros: no more op rockets
Cons: this may defeat ex-machina's purpose of being citrine's main weapon in combat
- limit the amount of rockets
Pros: two per side (or whatever) is a lot less op than like... six per side haha
Cons: none that i can think of (rockets aren't easy to come by, after all, so they'd be used more as like "last case emergencies" than a casual weapon)
other things of note:
there are a few comments i saw repeated that i think just require some clarification on my part rather than a total rework.
mainly, the fact that she relies so much on her bike. I know this is impractical, I know it is a problem, I did that intentionally. It is meant to be one of her biggest character flaws. Her reliance on her bike is something she will have to learn to overcome during her time at Beacon; it is planned to be part of her character arc to learn how to not rely so heavily on her bike (like how ruby relies too much on crescent rose).
second, catching bullets and stuff. I do agree that catching bullets specifically is a bit much, and so I shall be getting rid of that aspect and sticking just to slower projectiles like arrows and knives (both of which regular people can catch irl). the one thing i thought might need to be clarified with the skill is that she isn't actually catching anything, she's just teleporting it into her hand. so it doesn't rely on her reflexes/coordination, it's more like putting her hand in a position then teleporting the object to that position, so it just looks like she's "catching" an object, when really she's just teleporting it into her hand.
**third, one of you mentioned how she wouldn't need harpoons if she can just glitch, so i thought i should clarify that the harpoons would do more than just move her bike around, they can also pull objects towards her, entangle opponents, and can also help her move around if for whatever reason she can't use her semblance (her aura is too low, she's too tired, etc). so in other words i personally disagree that all uses of her harpoons can be replaced with glitching.
i hope that clears those things up!! :)
I would love to get your thoughts on my ideas, especially in regards to the bike edits. thanks so much for the feedback!! :)
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Bastion Sandstone
- Posts: 111
- Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 11:45 pm
- Age: 19
- Gender Identity: Male
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Sandy-tan
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: True Grit
- Weapon Name: Diplomacy
I'm happy you are ready to compromise and talk. For Glitch, I think it might be simple enough to say that objects a person is touching or has on them is too close to their Aura, and it prevents Glitch from working. I would have no problem with you glitching a book to your hands from your backpack after opening it, but taking things out of people's hands, not just weapons, is a little too much. Any bad guy holding anything important is easily yours. But if you have to get it free of their hands first, aha! Now you have an objective and the bad guy has a chance. There's tension and conflict and you still get to have your triumph, and feel like you earned it too. If people still have problems with it, I would recommend wording it so Glitch can only work with things that have your Aura, like your bike and yourself.
For the range of Glitch, I would recommend visualizing a football field and think of how long it takes to walk/run across one. In a simple jump, how far do you think she could go? A few feet for sure, maybe a whole ten yards. Now when she pushes it to be a strain on her aura, how far? Maybe 30 or 40 yards. I personally feel like a wopping 70-100 yards should be her absolute limit, leaving her tired and possibly breathless after appearing. That's just me though.
For the bike, I really like these suggestions. Not having the shields and making the bike be made out of something sturdy as her adoptive father knew she would be getting into fights makes sense. (This thing was one HECK of a birthday present, by the way.) Ditching the shields and making it durable also makes it slightly riskier for the bike, and so Citrine has to be smart and a little more careful. Always good stuff. The dust ejection feature was cool, but yeah, ditching it is ok.
Lastly, the rockets. I don't think that replacing them with machine guns makes her LMG useless, only that she uses her LMG when it's time to get off the bike or shoot things that are to your side. If you really want rockets, I would limit it to maximum two, as you suggested. That gives her two massive punches when needed, but then she's out. Remember, rockets are far more powerful than say, Nora's grenades. Those things are kittens compared to a rocket that a soldier would fire. One rocket could decapitate a Giant. This may lessen the amount she uses her bike to deal damage, but then why else does she have a massive machine gun sword?
The harpoons would be cool and more versatile if they could somehow rotate, allowing her to tow things or pull a Luke Skywalker from Empire Strikes Back on some big Grimm.
ACTUALLY lastly, her gloves and catching bullets or whatever. I understood that you teleported objects to you, but with Glitch maintaining momentum, I just found it hard to believe you could actually stop a bullet within a centimeter of your pressed-together fingers. Arrows and the like I don't have a problem with. And that could be a weakness and a strength with her. Got bows or crossbows? I'm catching you all day. Bring out a gun? Gotta split!
If these things were put down into her profile, I think I could give my vote.
(Also, would Citrine even know who her birth mother is? You write it like she does, even though her mother tried to make sure they didn't know eachother. But that doesn't matter in terms of yes or no)
For the range of Glitch, I would recommend visualizing a football field and think of how long it takes to walk/run across one. In a simple jump, how far do you think she could go? A few feet for sure, maybe a whole ten yards. Now when she pushes it to be a strain on her aura, how far? Maybe 30 or 40 yards. I personally feel like a wopping 70-100 yards should be her absolute limit, leaving her tired and possibly breathless after appearing. That's just me though.
For the bike, I really like these suggestions. Not having the shields and making the bike be made out of something sturdy as her adoptive father knew she would be getting into fights makes sense. (This thing was one HECK of a birthday present, by the way.) Ditching the shields and making it durable also makes it slightly riskier for the bike, and so Citrine has to be smart and a little more careful. Always good stuff. The dust ejection feature was cool, but yeah, ditching it is ok.
Lastly, the rockets. I don't think that replacing them with machine guns makes her LMG useless, only that she uses her LMG when it's time to get off the bike or shoot things that are to your side. If you really want rockets, I would limit it to maximum two, as you suggested. That gives her two massive punches when needed, but then she's out. Remember, rockets are far more powerful than say, Nora's grenades. Those things are kittens compared to a rocket that a soldier would fire. One rocket could decapitate a Giant. This may lessen the amount she uses her bike to deal damage, but then why else does she have a massive machine gun sword?
The harpoons would be cool and more versatile if they could somehow rotate, allowing her to tow things or pull a Luke Skywalker from Empire Strikes Back on some big Grimm.
ACTUALLY lastly, her gloves and catching bullets or whatever. I understood that you teleported objects to you, but with Glitch maintaining momentum, I just found it hard to believe you could actually stop a bullet within a centimeter of your pressed-together fingers. Arrows and the like I don't have a problem with. And that could be a weakness and a strength with her. Got bows or crossbows? I'm catching you all day. Bring out a gun? Gotta split!
If these things were put down into her profile, I think I could give my vote.
(Also, would Citrine even know who her birth mother is? You write it like she does, even though her mother tried to make sure they didn't know eachother. But that doesn't matter in terms of yes or no)
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SheidelII
- Posts: 54
- Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 10:47 pm
- Age: 0
- Gender Identity: Male
- Occupation:
The problem with Glitch is that there’s very little interaction with it and the things it influences. On top of what I already mentioned previously, adding some conditions in order to enact Glitch’s effects is a good start, like what you described with things like having to make contact with the target before being able to “glitch” it and the Aura of others being able to ward it off. Huntsmen weapons that channel their Aura on a constant basis and are almost always with them would prove difficult for Glitch to affect at all. The same principle can be applied to Huntsmen characters themselves as they have Aura and therefore interfere with Glitch’s abilities. Having something like this is a good way to make sure people are in for a fair experience when roleplaying with her and it won’t come off as so obstructive in the collaborative setting. I like Bastion Sandstone's suggestions for expanding on Glitch's mechanics, such as the amount of effort for different ranges and their drawbacks as well as how to handle being able to "glitch" things from other people's person.
About Ex-Machina; it isn’t just about what it has that makes it unfit for the setting. The rocket launchers, grappling hook harpoons, hardlight shields, and Dust spewing exhaust pipes; this isn’t something easily resolved by simply removing one or two of these things or making changes to what kind of ammunition they use. I’ll go into why that is below.
Characters owning and operating motorcycles is very much allowed here. Having a weapon that can act as a mode of transportation is also a concept deemed acceptable here, Reese Chloris’ hoverboard pistols being an example from the show. It is when a character uses a motorcycle as a weapon on its own rather than using a motorcycle equipped with weapons; that is when the weapon becomes an issue.
The ‘Gearing Up Appropriately’ section of the ‘Character Creation Guide’ on the site details sensible weapons for characters to have. Characters can wield large weapons, yes, but students are expected to reach their greatest potential in a fight without the assistance of weapon platforms like mechs, tanks, and rocket mounted ATVs. One of the closing sentences in “Gearing Up Appropriately captures this sentiment: “If anyone could take the entrance exam with large armored weapons platform, why wouldn’t everyone?” Citrine Locke’s dependence on Ex-Machina with her apparent weaknesses in other fields would realistically keep her from entering into a Huntsman academy at her skill level. She’s closer to a military hardware operator than a specialist combatant. Writing Citrine Locke with a major weakness like this, although planned as a character arc, does more harm than good for her. Citrine needs more than one leg to stand on. It’s a really cool motorcycle, but it just doesn’t fit with what we’re doing here.
If “motorcycle as a weapon” is a concept you’re set on, there are definitely ways to incorporate it in a setting friendly way. Since you seem to like machine guns and a weapon that uses Dust, perhaps you would like to work with a gatling gun? The rotational nature of it can justify having a motor, which can be further expanded on to becoming a motorcycle. For reasons I’ve stated before, having a motorcycle that’s decked out with all kinds of gadgets is not acceptable for a main weapon, but something more compact or similarly on a smaller scale. A small dirt bike or one of those mini-bikes could work? There could be twin barrels that retract into the main body of the weapon, becoming the wheels of the contraption. It could use raw Dust as its ammunition, rapid firing pellets of Combustion Dust that also fuels the motorcycle form. This way, you can have a machine gun that shoots mini-explosions akin to missiles that can mecha-shift into a motorcycle. You can even have a different firing mode that where it can switch from shooting “bullets” to spewing the Dust as an elemental flamethrower. These are just some suggestions that I think could help make Ex-Machina more suitable for the setting, so you can pick and choose from it or choose none of what I mentioned and come up with something else entirely. I'm just throwing up things that fall into what an acceptable weapon could be. I know I went into a lot here, but I don’t want you to feel that your concepts aren’t welcome. I’m more than happy to continue working with you to help realize your ideas for Colors. I’m just trying to make sure they fit within the setting without diminishing the spirit you had in mind for your concept. I hope I don’t come off as harsh as that isn’t my intent. Thank you for giving me your time.
About Ex-Machina; it isn’t just about what it has that makes it unfit for the setting. The rocket launchers, grappling hook harpoons, hardlight shields, and Dust spewing exhaust pipes; this isn’t something easily resolved by simply removing one or two of these things or making changes to what kind of ammunition they use. I’ll go into why that is below.
Characters owning and operating motorcycles is very much allowed here. Having a weapon that can act as a mode of transportation is also a concept deemed acceptable here, Reese Chloris’ hoverboard pistols being an example from the show. It is when a character uses a motorcycle as a weapon on its own rather than using a motorcycle equipped with weapons; that is when the weapon becomes an issue.
The ‘Gearing Up Appropriately’ section of the ‘Character Creation Guide’ on the site details sensible weapons for characters to have. Characters can wield large weapons, yes, but students are expected to reach their greatest potential in a fight without the assistance of weapon platforms like mechs, tanks, and rocket mounted ATVs. One of the closing sentences in “Gearing Up Appropriately captures this sentiment: “If anyone could take the entrance exam with large armored weapons platform, why wouldn’t everyone?” Citrine Locke’s dependence on Ex-Machina with her apparent weaknesses in other fields would realistically keep her from entering into a Huntsman academy at her skill level. She’s closer to a military hardware operator than a specialist combatant. Writing Citrine Locke with a major weakness like this, although planned as a character arc, does more harm than good for her. Citrine needs more than one leg to stand on. It’s a really cool motorcycle, but it just doesn’t fit with what we’re doing here.
If “motorcycle as a weapon” is a concept you’re set on, there are definitely ways to incorporate it in a setting friendly way. Since you seem to like machine guns and a weapon that uses Dust, perhaps you would like to work with a gatling gun? The rotational nature of it can justify having a motor, which can be further expanded on to becoming a motorcycle. For reasons I’ve stated before, having a motorcycle that’s decked out with all kinds of gadgets is not acceptable for a main weapon, but something more compact or similarly on a smaller scale. A small dirt bike or one of those mini-bikes could work? There could be twin barrels that retract into the main body of the weapon, becoming the wheels of the contraption. It could use raw Dust as its ammunition, rapid firing pellets of Combustion Dust that also fuels the motorcycle form. This way, you can have a machine gun that shoots mini-explosions akin to missiles that can mecha-shift into a motorcycle. You can even have a different firing mode that where it can switch from shooting “bullets” to spewing the Dust as an elemental flamethrower. These are just some suggestions that I think could help make Ex-Machina more suitable for the setting, so you can pick and choose from it or choose none of what I mentioned and come up with something else entirely. I'm just throwing up things that fall into what an acceptable weapon could be. I know I went into a lot here, but I don’t want you to feel that your concepts aren’t welcome. I’m more than happy to continue working with you to help realize your ideas for Colors. I’m just trying to make sure they fit within the setting without diminishing the spirit you had in mind for your concept. I hope I don’t come off as harsh as that isn’t my intent. Thank you for giving me your time.
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SheidelII
- Posts: 54
- Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 10:47 pm
- Age: 0
- Gender Identity: Male
- Occupation:
I've made a mistake. I was reviewing this character sheet with the rulings of a Collective Roleplay character and not a Freelancer. For that, I'm sorry. With more work on her Semblance, Glitch, I have no issue with Citrine Locke's character sheet for Colors submitted as a Freelancer. I was judging this with the restricter requirements of a Collective Roleplay character and that was my fault. That in mind, if you ever want Citrine Locke to become a Collective Roleplayer, my advice should still be more or less useable if you want to use it at all. Again, it's my bad for incorrectly reviewing this. Freelancers have more relaxed requirements to be eligible for approval, so judging it as a Collective Roleplay while everyone is supposed to be a Freelancer as Colors is starting out was unfair.
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Citrine Locke
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2020 11:43 pm
- Age: 17
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Neon Green
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: Glitch
- Weapon Name: Ex-Machina and Verenium Strýchnos
Edits:
Weapon
- removed dust feature and shields from weapon
- edited rocket launchers (paragraph 6)
Semblance
- added range limit to semblance (paragraph 4)
- removed ability to glitch objects from people's hands; added reasoning for why she can't do that (paragraph 6)
- removed ability to catch bullets
- added general ideas for cool down times per jump size (paragraph 4)
Questions
1. Are you 18 or older? We want to know if anyone is under 18 years of age. Being under 18 will not bar you from participating in our community. Rather, this will allow us to gauge who is acting inappropriately toward minors.
Yes, I am older than 18 years.
2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much? You can be brief. This is intended to help us provide useful feedback in your approval.
I have been roleplaying in forums and other play-by-post communities for about four or five years now, and have been writing creatively independently for over a decade. I also have some experience with table top RPGs.
3. You may include an optional (SHORT!) Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing.
Citrine wove between cars with a cackle of glee, easily exceeding the speed limits as she sped down the street. She was approaching an intersection she knew well; she knew police officers were often stationed in the intersection to catch people speeding or running lights, both of which Citrine had gotten in trouble for on several previous occasions. She didn't want to know how Asher would react if she got yet another speeding ticket. Well, she couldn't get a ticket if she couldn't get caught, right?
With a laugh, Citrine swerved to the right, jumping the curb and aiming towards an office building. Instead of crashing into the wall, the bike rotated, climbing up the vertical surface with ease. It didn't take long for her to reach the roof of the building.
She cleared the gaps between buildings with ease, leaping over them with the momentum of her bike and Glitching across gaps when she needed to. She didn't notice her mistake until it was too late. With the angle at which she had plotted her course, she hadn't realized that the last building didn't have any place to land after it until she was already mid freefall.
Citrine and her bike disappeared in a flash of green, reappearing on the ground. That didn't negate the force of the distance she had already fallen, however, leading to a not so pleasant landing. The bike jostled and skidded, sending Citrine slipping from her seat. She hit the ground hard, rolling through the impact; she winced at the sound of a sickening crunch that she could only imagine was Ex-Machina hitting a lamp post.
Climbing to her feet, Citrine surveyed the damage. The choice of metal was clearly a good idea, her bike was undamaged, and she was only a little dusty to boot. A crooked grin spread across her face.
"Nailed it."
Weapon
- removed dust feature and shields from weapon
- edited rocket launchers (paragraph 6)
Semblance
- added range limit to semblance (paragraph 4)
- removed ability to glitch objects from people's hands; added reasoning for why she can't do that (paragraph 6)
- removed ability to catch bullets
- added general ideas for cool down times per jump size (paragraph 4)
Questions
1. Are you 18 or older? We want to know if anyone is under 18 years of age. Being under 18 will not bar you from participating in our community. Rather, this will allow us to gauge who is acting inappropriately toward minors.
Yes, I am older than 18 years.
2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much? You can be brief. This is intended to help us provide useful feedback in your approval.
I have been roleplaying in forums and other play-by-post communities for about four or five years now, and have been writing creatively independently for over a decade. I also have some experience with table top RPGs.
3. You may include an optional (SHORT!) Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing.
Citrine wove between cars with a cackle of glee, easily exceeding the speed limits as she sped down the street. She was approaching an intersection she knew well; she knew police officers were often stationed in the intersection to catch people speeding or running lights, both of which Citrine had gotten in trouble for on several previous occasions. She didn't want to know how Asher would react if she got yet another speeding ticket. Well, she couldn't get a ticket if she couldn't get caught, right?
With a laugh, Citrine swerved to the right, jumping the curb and aiming towards an office building. Instead of crashing into the wall, the bike rotated, climbing up the vertical surface with ease. It didn't take long for her to reach the roof of the building.
She cleared the gaps between buildings with ease, leaping over them with the momentum of her bike and Glitching across gaps when she needed to. She didn't notice her mistake until it was too late. With the angle at which she had plotted her course, she hadn't realized that the last building didn't have any place to land after it until she was already mid freefall.
Citrine and her bike disappeared in a flash of green, reappearing on the ground. That didn't negate the force of the distance she had already fallen, however, leading to a not so pleasant landing. The bike jostled and skidded, sending Citrine slipping from her seat. She hit the ground hard, rolling through the impact; she winced at the sound of a sickening crunch that she could only imagine was Ex-Machina hitting a lamp post.
Climbing to her feet, Citrine surveyed the damage. The choice of metal was clearly a good idea, her bike was undamaged, and she was only a little dusty to boot. A crooked grin spread across her face.
"Nailed it."
Last edited by Citrine Locke on Tue Dec 22, 2020 6:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Bastion Sandstone
- Posts: 111
- Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 11:45 pm
- Age: 19
- Gender Identity: Male
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Sandy-tan
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: True Grit
- Weapon Name: Diplomacy
I like the edits and approve heavily. I look forward to roleplaying with you and Citrine!
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Kailyn Keison
- Posts: 187
- Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2020 8:57 am
- Age: 19
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Faunus (Crotalinae) - Pit Organs (internal)
- Aura Color: Black
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: Gravitas
- Weapon Name: Daii Shonnara and The Fingers
You've got my 'yes'. Citrine sounds like a blast to hang out with!
For future reference, you can set polls to 'users can change their vote' so you don't have to make new threads every time.
For future reference, you can set polls to 'users can change their vote' so you don't have to make new threads every time.
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Myron Hyles
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:58 am
- Age: 18
- Gender Identity: Male
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Turquoise
- Occupation: Student
- Semblance Name: Sleeping Spell
- Weapon Name: 40 Winks
... Wow. She's certainly thought out. There's a lot to read, but it's all interesting ! You have my Yes.
I love the idea of a cavalry fighter, I always thought an expert at fighting while driving/mounting would be very useful in some situations. This will surely make for original fights.
Her Glitch is very powerful, though it's balanced by her rather ranged fighting style. It goes well with her bike, too, since it's a pretty big and easy target without her Semblance.
In my opinion, the first paragraph of her personality could do with less repetitions of "very", though it's not a big bother.
I love the idea of a cavalry fighter, I always thought an expert at fighting while driving/mounting would be very useful in some situations. This will surely make for original fights.
Her Glitch is very powerful, though it's balanced by her rather ranged fighting style. It goes well with her bike, too, since it's a pretty big and easy target without her Semblance.
In my opinion, the first paragraph of her personality could do with less repetitions of "very", though it's not a big bother.
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Professor Honeydew Monarch
- Posts: 46
- Joined: Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:14 am
- Age: 32
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Seafoam Green
- Occupation: Professor of History and Tactics, Beacon Academy
- Semblance Name: Omnipresence
- Weapon Name: The Kingkiller
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Fuchsia Iris Ükhel
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2020 12:10 am
- Age: 22
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Faunus (Black Cat, ears and tail)
- Aura Color: Purple and pink
- Occupation: Student - Final year
- Semblance Name: Witch Way
- Weapon Name: Orchid
Yes from me. Will be interesting to see how she interacts with others, and particularly interesting to see where her over-reliance on her motorcycle lands her.
She better hope she's not in Honeydew's class 'cuz Honeydew don't go easy on kids who can't fight with their fists
She better hope she's not in Honeydew's class 'cuz Honeydew don't go easy on kids who can't fight with their fists
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Vlithra Qing Long
- Posts: 233
- Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2020 5:00 pm
- Age: 19
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Faunus (White Tiger, stripes and pale skin)
- Aura Color: Viridian-Green
- Occupation: 1st Year Student, Tattooing-Assistant
- Semblance Name: Kinetic Discharge
- Weapon Name: Viridian Naraka and Carnassial Talon
Yes from me. She is interesting and unique, especially in terms of fighting style. I look forward to sseing her interact with others.
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Colors of Remnant
- Admin
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Sun Aug 11, 2019 12:54 am
- Age: 99
- Gender Identity: NA
- Race: NA
- Aura Color: NA
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: NA
- Weapon Name: NA
NOTE: This topic has been merged with the other Citrine Locke thread to condense all the relevant posts into one thread with her name on it.