character approval?

A collection of the previously approved/denied character's applications complete with feedback posts for future reference.
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Is my character on my profile good enough to use?

Yes
2
100%
No
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 2
User avatar
Cleare
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2023 5:40 pm
Age: 15
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Human
Aura Color: White silver
Occupation: Ex assassin
Semblance Name: Strings Attached
Weapon Name: Puppeteers Fingers and Connection Severer

My character Cleare for the most part is finished I might change a few small things. I made Cleare to be an antagonist that has the potential to be redeemed. I take her inspiration from the idea of a possessed doll and her color is Clear or transparent because she doesn't have much color. Message me if you have any suggestions
Last edited by Cleare on Sun Sep 10, 2023 12:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Bartok Evergreen
Posts: 252
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2020 11:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Faunus (Vampire Bat)
Aura Color: Blood Red
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Bleed and Drink
Weapon Name: Coiled Sting

Ok! Well, creepy doll vibes aside, I like her! Leaning towards Yes as long as a few little things are tidyed up.

First off, Semblance. There should be something noted in her Semblance description of how it interacts with people who have Aura. Does it have a harder time afflicting them? An *easier* time? Does Cleare need to have more focus when trying to control someone with Aura, limiting her number of affected targets if they have Aura?
Also, this Semblance touches on one of the DONTS int he rules, however it isn't mind control but body control. As she is an antagonist I personally feel like stronger, more "wrong feeling" Semblances should have some play. However if she gets accepted, be mindful to talk to the characters you're interacting with to make sure what you're doing is ok and you come up with cool things to do narratively, not just "haha your mine now get rekt".

Secondly, Backstory. Like it. So she's not to be a student, at least not currently(maybe after she's redeemed?) An antagonist/villain type character. I would take the stuff you wrote in the Recent Events box and put it at the end of the Backstory Highlights. Recent Events are normally kept for recent happenenings in threads and whatnot.

Thirdly, while I like the idea of Villain/Antagonist characters, we don't have guidelines for them yet like we do for students. I could make a rough guideline for antagonists like I did with Professor characters, but villain/antagonists should be far more open than Professors. Others might have their own ideas, but I think what you have here is fine, a good baseline or example if approved.

So the first two things altered a little, and I'm good to put my Yes vote on this.
User avatar
Cleare
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2023 5:40 pm
Age: 15
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Human
Aura Color: White silver
Occupation: Ex assassin
Semblance Name: Strings Attached
Weapon Name: Puppeteers Fingers and Connection Severer

Bartok Evergreen wrote:
Sat Sep 09, 2023 9:54 pm
Ok! Well, creepy doll vibes aside, I like her! Leaning towards Yes as long as a few little things are tidyed up.

First off, Semblance. There should be something noted in her Semblance description of how it interacts with people who have Aura. Does it have a harder time afflicting them? An *easier* time? Does Cleare need to have more focus when trying to control someone with Aura, limiting her number of affected targets if they have Aura?
Also, this Semblance touches on one of the DONTS int he rules, however it isn't mind control but body control. As she is an antagonist I personally feel like stronger, more "wrong feeling" Semblances should have some play. However if she gets accepted, be mindful to talk to the characters you're interacting with to make sure what you're doing is ok and you come up with cool things to do narratively, not just "haha your mine now get rekt".

Secondly, Backstory. Like it. So she's not to be a student, at least not currently(maybe after she's redeemed?) An antagonist/villain type character. I would take the stuff you wrote in the Recent Events box and put it at the end of the Backstory Highlights. Recent Events are normally kept for recent happenenings in threads and whatnot.

Thirdly, while I like the idea of Villain/Antagonist characters, we don't have guidelines for them yet like we do for students. I could make a rough guideline for antagonists like I did with Professor characters, but villain/antagonists should be far more open than Professors. Others might have their own ideas, but I think what you have here is fine, a good baseline or example if approved.

So the first two things altered a little, and I'm good to put my Yes vote on this.
Yes I wasn't planning on her having a broken semblance I plan to make having direct control of other people harder I was thinking more like she could use it to break a weakened enemies limb or sway a person in misfiring a shot or using inanimate objects like using the strings to throw things or manipulate a dead body or a manikin. Also about the aura thing yes she can control someone who has aura but she can't directly hurt them get full control over their body without using a lot of focus also I wanna mention that she is only 15 and her semblance could grow potentially in the future. it's more like she can use her semblance to cause an enemy to miss a shot or trip them up minor things that don't require a ton of focus.
User avatar
Bartok Evergreen
Posts: 252
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2020 11:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Faunus (Vampire Bat)
Aura Color: Blood Red
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Bleed and Drink
Weapon Name: Coiled Sting

Sweet, sounds good! Just put that in the Semblance description and you got my vote!
User avatar
Akiko Momiji
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2020 11:11 am
Age: 24
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus Fox Ears and Tail
Aura Color: Light Blue
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Kishin Glyph
Weapon Name: Inazuma

Had to take a few reads back and forth between sections, but I am going to leave a yes.

1. I don't know what was written before in the semblance section, but I think the changes that Bartok pointed out are solid. Anything that is core to a character like a unique passive as an example should have a list of strengths and weaknesses to it. There is going to be a good number of flaws when it comes to some semblances and how they work, but it can be improved overtime via character development or certain events. I do also feel a specific vibe especially with the usage of Cleare's semblance to create strings to control multiple people to which I like, mainly because I feel it's too simple if someone does the whole string idea but they have to manage strictly two people.

2. Backstory is also solid. I don't have any real objections if this was for a Villain/Antagonist type character, but there's no real guidelines yet for that so I can't really say anything about it.

Other than that, *gets a stamp of yes*
User avatar
Cleare
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2023 5:40 pm
Age: 15
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Human
Aura Color: White silver
Occupation: Ex assassin
Semblance Name: Strings Attached
Weapon Name: Puppeteers Fingers and Connection Severer

Akiko Momiji wrote:
Sun Sep 10, 2023 5:10 am
Had to take a few reads back and forth between sections, but I am going to leave a yes.

1. I don't know what was written before in the semblance section, but I think the changes that Bartok pointed out are solid. Anything that is core to a character like a unique passive as an example should have a list of strengths and weaknesses to it. There is going to be a good number of flaws when it comes to some semblances and how they work, but it can be improved overtime via character development or certain events. I do also feel a specific vibe especially with the usage of Cleare's semblance to create strings to control multiple people to which I like, mainly because I feel it's too simple if someone does the whole string idea but they have to manage strictly two people.

2. Backstory is also solid. I don't have any real objections if this was for a Villain/Antagonist type character, but there's no real guidelines yet for that so I can't really say anything about it.

Other than that, *gets a stamp of yes*
thank you ^.^
User avatar
Professor Wednesday Haptasnytrir
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2021 11:04 pm
Age: 39
Gender Identity: Female*
Race: Human
Aura Color: Grey
Occupation: Professor, Huntress
Semblance Name: Hliðskjálf
Weapon Name: Gungnir and Valföðr

Cleare has received enough votes for approval! This thread will now be sent to Approval Archives and the character soon allowed to begin roleplaying.
Mindful and talkative, wouldst thou gain wisdom
Silent and thoughtful and bold in strife
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