Roseman Winchester

A collection of the previously approved/denied character's applications complete with feedback posts for future reference.
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Approval

yes
2
67%
no
1
33%
 
Total votes: 3
Roseman Winchester
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 5:18 am
Age: 17
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Faunas Beetle Carapace
Aura Color: Firey red
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Devolution
Weapon Name: Humanity

Age: 18
Experience: Fairly large, I'm in quite a few of these and even a mod in one.
Example:

Roseman sat alone in the dark warmth of the summer forests of Patch. It was nice to be like this now and then, even if he only wished it for a short amount of time.

He had to keep it short for going too long alone like this they would creep in, the memories of his past mistakes. how he loathed them, taunting him, making him feel feelings he wished he never experienced, embarrassment, sorrow, frustration, and self hatred that were left unbound.

Slowly he walked towards his home, hoping for the surrounding sounds and scenary to distract him lest he become lost in his own past.

The present was a gift, yet it was one that he was seldom allowed to cherish on his own.
Last edited by Roseman Winchester on Fri Feb 04, 2022 11:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Al Ciendra
Posts: 398
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2021 5:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus (Wolf-Ears and Fangs)
Aura Color: Orange
Occupation: Beacon Student
Semblance Name: Volcanic Heart
Weapon Name: Arcum and Gladio

Interesting concept, him having such a life changing faunus trait and his semblance leaning into is a very nice touch.
Also, hey, I like big and strong characters that still fight with grace but can also go complete bonkers, so just for the concept of his fighting style do I like your lad.

But I do think his profile could use just a bit of work.
The text pause breaks the flow of reading his profile and makes this feel more like a casual commentary, rather than a character description.

The backstory also feels just a little short and lacking in detail, I would really like to read more about how Rosemans origin and/or appearance may have affected his social standing and what experiences he may have had because of it.

I'm still giving you a yes, but would very much like to see some changes made to his profile.
Al chatters in #FF5500
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Leonard Uaine
Posts: 64
Joined: Mon Dec 21, 2020 12:06 pm
Age: 20
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Faunus (Snapping Turtle mouth)
Aura Color: Viridian
Occupation: Frosh
Semblance Name: Intransient Steps
Weapon Name: Fisticufflets

You've got an interesting concept here, but unfortunately in my opinion it's little more than that: a concept. The idea of someone having such an all-encompassing Faunus trait isn't one I've seen done well before (mind you, I've only seen it done at ALL once, and that instance was in very poor taste), so I'm looking forward to seeing how you handle it.

Far be it from me to critique a profile as being "short", but the mechanical issues (you've got the name of the character wrong in the first sentence, never mind the numerous punctuation errors!), the inconsistent voicing (is this a third-person objective description, or a casual commentary from an in-universe perspective?), and the vagueness of description for his weapon (keep in mind that the profile only has a link to the picture and doesn't actually display that picture), make this one seem rather... incomplete, even when compared to Lenny's or Az'. I don't feel comfortable giving a 'Yes' vote to a profile like this.

All that being said, I don't think that this profile warrants a 'No' vote, either. For this reason, I Abstain.

I'll be checking back in on this profile as time goes on, and I'll post an amended critique at such a time as I have one.
Lenny’s dialogue is in #339966.

You can find EPs for all my characters here.
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Rouge Ako
Posts: 50
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2021 7:26 pm
Age: 20
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Human
Aura Color: Scarlet
Occupation: 3rd Year Student
Semblance Name: Mosaic Maestro
Weapon Name: Abismo Escarlata

You’ve produced many ideas to create a unique idea and it’s very obvious you have a vision for the character but from your profile of him I’m not able to distinguish those ideas apart from anything other than a quick add on. It’s only mentioned that he likes to forge practically at the end under his likes, not counting the addition of a forging hammer with his other gear and nothing else is said about it, not even in his background. This is also the first time I’ve seen a Faunus with traits that grow when they use their semblance, even Tyrian’s semblance didn’t affect his stinger and only his hands and weapons. The ability to grow wings from a semblance seems like you’re pushing the boundaries, which isn’t bad because it allows us to grow and discuss these types of ideas. On the other hand, the idea of him turning feral is cool and I believe has happened in universe, don’t quote me on that, and can work well but you’ll need to fully put out how this can not only affect him but his enemies and allies.

I would say take some time to fully flesh out your character, build out the background, and education a bit and explore your character completely. Take some time to study up on the weapon you’ve provided and see what fighting styles a large man can incorporate other than a brief description, a good point of reference could be Dark Souls or Bloodborne to see how weapons similar to yours are wielded.

I see a really cool character with this and with some extra effort and time it’ll become probably something cooler than I see it as now. For the time being, I’m going to say no, but message me when you’ve updated some stuff and I’ll give it another once over and change my mind on it. Good luck and can’t wait!
”Pieces of music can never die, they live forever in the ears of those who’ve musician’s played for.”
-Rouge Ako

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Bartok Evergreen
Posts: 252
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2020 11:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Faunus (Vampire Bat)
Aura Color: Blood Red
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Bleed and Drink
Weapon Name: Coiled Sting

I do like the concept of huge stronk boi, mixed with the strength of Herculuean beetles and a Semblance that dives deeper into the Semblance, further cementing that as a huge part of his character instead of just "cute cat years lawl". It's a concept I think is totally fine here on Colors and expecially as a Freelancer Character.

With the backstory lengthening to tell more of his story and how he came to be where he is now, I'm giving him a yes.
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