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“Tien” / “Cielo Noel”

Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2021 7:30 pm
by Cielo Noel
I blundered up a bit, but don’t worry, I’m not (usually) this stupid.

1. Are you 18 years or older?

Yes, I’m in my twenties. Which side? The wrong side if I’m on it.

2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much?

I’ve been RPing since early 2018, and have co-worked on a RWBY fic for a bit.

3. Roleplay sample.

The plan just sort of proceeded faster than Kaz had expected. Somehow he and Aiki were paired up. It made a sort of sense, he supposed. Aoko was a bit stronger than Haruki, so she could be the designated meat shield of the duo. Same went for Kaz, he supposed.

Aiki snaked her arm around his elbow. Kaz didn't like it, he decided, shaking his arm in her grasp as if he'd find a more comfortable position. He settled down as they approached the gate. Aiki burst out into a fit of laughter. Oh, this trick. It usually worked if you were trying to stick out like a sore thumb. But given the inevitability of the fight, it was probably for the best. At least it'd give Aoko and Haruki a chance to get the jump on the Hydra, thing.

"Yeah, it's pretty funny now, but back then I honestly did consider killing myself once they started calling me the 'Bowel Blaster,'" he said happily enough. He sniffed and pretended his tears were tears of laughter.

The Hydra boi approached with a clipboard of all things. Honestly, it was shit like that that made killing these things really rough for some reason. Ya boy's just doing his job, and they're basically hostile foreign invaders. Of course, the thing’s snake-speech honestly kind of eroded most of his sympathies.

"Ah, evenin' my good... snake man... person. Entity? Do you all have the same gender? Or does each head have its own unique identity? Actually, is each head like a sibling? Or some parasitic Siamese clone?" Kaz waved himself off.

"Nevermind, I'm sure you get that question a lot, I bet. I'm an old friend of the bride, who is a total bitch, by the way. I tried seducing her once in high school with my juggling and unicycle-riding abilities. Had read chicks dig circus performers. She just laughed at me and got her girlfriends to shove me into the lockers. And they took my balls. Pretty sure inviting me is just her way of rubbing it in some more."

Re: “Tien” / “Cielo Noel”

Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2021 10:31 pm
by Bartok Evergreen
I'm supposing that the roleplay sample is from another site or other.

A lot of things Cielo has going for him are things I have in the works for another character of mine, so it was interesting to see those things.

Some things of note with his Semblance:
1. You say that he can use dust with his Semblance, but don't give anything more than that. How does it work with Dust? Is it a trail of that Dust's effects he leaves behind him? Does it coat him while he dashes? This doesn't have to be fully fleshed out now, he could still be exploring it and experimenting and maybe you're not even sure how you want it to work, but thought I'd bring it up for you to think about.

2. 15% of his Aura to use one of those techniques where he slashes and the force goes beyond the physical sword. I think this is a tad high, but obviously numbers and stuff for people's Semblances are hard to balance and get a real gauge on without a combat system to reference. Just wanted to say I thought this a little much for one slash, but perhaps it goes down aa he continues to fight and learn and is taught.

All in all I like him and think he's a fine addition to the roster of Beacon. As for a Freelance character, I gotta vote yes.

Re: “Tien” / “Cielo Noel”

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2021 8:52 am
by Lauren Voltaire
You've got a fleshed-out profile here - I'm liking the tone of voice in the narration, he sounds like someone who'd be fun to do a thread with!

I would like to echo Barty's comment on fleshing out his Semblance's interaction with Dust, but that's not something I'd ever insist you have to have locked down at application (especially since he's got room to grow as he learns about what you've decided Dust will do with his Semblance), especially for a Freelancer.

That's a Yes.

Re: “Tien” / “Cielo Noel”

Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2021 5:09 pm
by Cielo Noel
Lauren Voltaire wrote:
Mon Dec 13, 2021 8:52 am
You've got a fleshed-out profile here - I'm liking the tone of voice in the narration, he sounds like someone who'd be fun to do a thread with!

I would like to echo Barty's comment on fleshing out his Semblance's interaction with Dust, but that's not something I'd ever insist you have to have locked down at application (especially since he's got room to grow as he learns about what you've decided Dust will do with his Semblance), especially for a Freelancer.

That's a Yes.

Hopefully this comment is not lost to the ether like before. I appreciate the kind words and am happy to hear that the backstory kept you entertained.

Off of what you and Bart noted, I have clarified what I meant about Dust interacting with his shockwaves. To put it shortly, Dust can simply attribute an element to his shockwave. Like making a giant ice blade or something. Meant to clarify that from the beginning, but I got lost in the process.

But yeah, many thanks for the vote and kind words. Hopefully we’ll do an RP thing or something one day.

Re: “Tien” / “Cielo Noel”

Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2021 6:44 pm
by Myron Hyles
Nice character all around, I like that profile a lot and only have two nitpicks:

- In his backstory, he supposedly spends "nine days and nine nights" hunting his first Grimm, but then he kills it "on the fourth day"... I think you meant nine days and nights combined?

- I'm with Bartok on the subject of his Semblance. It's very versatile and by stating a flat number for its use, you'll be limited when writing fight scenes. Five or six uses max of his Semblance before he's out seems too little to me. Even if he gets better, imo that's a restriction you don't need to put on yourself.

That's not going to prevent a Yes!

Re: “Tien” / “Cielo Noel”

Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2021 6:55 pm
by Cielo Noel
Myron Hyles wrote:
Mon Dec 20, 2021 6:44 pm
Nice character all around, I like that profile a lot and only have two nitpicks:

- In his backstory, he supposedly spends "nine days and nine nights" hunting his first Grimm, but then he kills it "on the fourth day"... I think you meant nine days and nights combined?

- I'm with Bartok on the subject of his Semblance. It's very versatile and by stating a flat number for its use, you'll be limited when writing fight scenes. Five or six uses max of his Semblance before he's out seems too little to me. Even if he gets better, imo that's a restriction you don't need to put on yourself.

That's not going to prevent a Yes!
Since you’re the third person to point the Semblance thing out, I’ll take you guys’ word for it and fix it up. I appreciate it, since most places I’ve been to are all too happy to let me gimp my character lol.

And about the Grimm hunting thing, I might’ve messed up the phrasing. He ran for the first four days and three nights, and didn’t start actually fighting back until the fourth night. Day and night are being used separately. So in this case, “four days and three nights” is just an overly wordy way of saying “four-and-a-half days.”

The following five days (and nights):he spent fighting the thing.

And thanks for the final vote, friend!