Sean McCabe

A collection of the previously approved/denied character's applications complete with feedback posts for future reference.
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Dost thou approveth?

Yes
2
50%
No
0
No votes
Abstain
2
50%
 
Total votes: 4
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Sean McCabe
Posts: 25
Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2020 10:36 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Human
Aura Color: Cerulean
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Journal Bearing
Weapon Name: Severance and Per

Both Sean and myself have reached the age of majority (we're both 18+).

I've been roleplaying for a while now. Looking forward to doing so here as well!
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Myron Hyles
Posts: 81
Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:58 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Human
Aura Color: Turquoise
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Sleeping Spell
Weapon Name: 40 Winks

I know you have a tendency for short profiles, but this one is too short for me. The backstory is somewhat fine if you have nothing else to recount about Sean. However, the outfit, physical and Semblance descriptions do not provide enough detail in my opinion.
For the first two, you could either expand them or find a face claim, which shouldn't be hard. For the Semblance, I get the concept (and I like it) but it needs more details.

Here are some questions that came to mind immediately after I read this profile :
What's his skin color?
What color/color scheme are his clothes usually?
Does "all of Sean's outfits" mean the casual ones too, or are the tight-fitting clothes only for fighting?
Did his caravan travel the whole world? Did it stay in one of the kingdoms?
Does his Semblance increase/decrease air resistance too? Is it hard to keep active?

I do approve of what you've already written, but I think there's not enough to vote Yes... especially since it's not the first iteration.
*Drawls in #82E6E6*

Theme song / Extended profile
User avatar
Sean McCabe
Posts: 25
Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2020 10:36 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Human
Aura Color: Cerulean
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Journal Bearing
Weapon Name: Severance and Per

You know me - short profiles are my specialty (which is one of the reasons I'm so pleased that Extended Profiles are a thing!). A lot of the development of my characters happens as they interact with others, so the details that would otherwise be found on their profile when they first show up aren't there.

With the new face shot, extra Semblance detail, and a pair of words to backstory to tell you that he's from Menagerie, how's he looking now?
User avatar
Myron Hyles
Posts: 81
Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:58 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Human
Aura Color: Turquoise
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Sleeping Spell
Weapon Name: 40 Winks

If you prefer FCs to detailed physical description, that's fine by me.
Don't feel forced to find a picture just because of my feedback, though ;-)
*Drawls in #82E6E6*

Theme song / Extended profile
User avatar
Al Ciendra
Posts: 398
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2021 5:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Female
Race: Faunus (Wolf-Ears and Fangs)
Aura Color: Orange
Occupation: Beacon Student
Semblance Name: Volcanic Heart
Weapon Name: Arcum and Gladio

I would like to give this profile a yes, but I really can't
Most of this profile has a serious lack of detail and makes it really hard for me to picture Sean as a character.
His Semblance is also very confusing, I get the general idea, but how does he activate it ?
What about liquids or rain/snow ?
Does he decide whether he reduces the friction or increases it, because that's not specified either.
Last edited by Al Ciendra on Wed May 19, 2021 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Al chatters in #FF5500
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Bartok Evergreen
Posts: 252
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2020 11:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Faunus (Vampire Bat)
Aura Color: Blood Red
Occupation: Student
Semblance Name: Bleed and Drink
Weapon Name: Coiled Sting

I agree with the above that it is a little sparse, and I would like to offer two things to think about to lengthen it:

1) Personality. Sure, he's bright and energetic and always on the move. But that doesn't tell us much, honestly. How does he treat people? His peers? His teachers? Does he have trouble with authority figures? Whenever I think of personality, I try to get into the gimmick or theme or the base inspiration of the character(ex: Bartok is debonair-ish and flirty) and you've done that with him being energetic, but how they treat people, something they want and/or something they fear/dislike is great to add. This allows people to really know how they could act in certain situations.

You could also tell this using actions. For Bartok's Personality, I show a lot of his personality by saying that he snaps finger guns at just about everybody and I go into a bit of detail. It is saying that he almost always has a good attitude and will be making jokes or taunting enemies. You could do something similar with an action or saying that he has, maybe whenever he's excited, he's jumping up and putting his knees to his chest before landing back on his feet, doing it multiple times. Physical representation of emotions is great for reader's heads because they can imagine it and link it to the character.

2) Fighting Style. A bit of Backstory as well, I suppose. What did he do in the troupe? Sure it broke up when he was fifteen, but he grew up in it. Because of that and you talking about acrobatic skills, he must have had some talent and role in the shows. What did he do? How does that translate to fighting? Maybe he was a trapeze acrobat, and so swinging on things using his hammer or knife to hang on to something is natural and fluid to him, and he's moving in constant arcs through the air and doesn't have a fear of heights. You mention this a little, but more detail on how his skills from the troupe effect his combat would be cool.

Also, I get that style and rule of cool is part of RWBY and therefore this site, but for parrying a heavy parrying dagger might suit better than a kukuri. The inward bent knife isn't as much for catching blades(thought it definently can) and more for chopping through limbs when handled right. But I'm not saying you have to get rid of the kukuri, it seems like an idea that you have attached to Sean and I won't hinge my vote on something so small. Just a tought.
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Felix Satou
Posts: 177
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 12:13 am
Age: 18
Gender Identity: Male
Race: Human
Aura Color: Turquoise
Occupation:
Semblance Name: Fuku
Weapon Name: Dover

I like the condensed nature of this profile. I don't see anything that wouldn't permit Sean to exist in this world. He seems like a perfectly acceptable Beacon student.

Adding more detail would make for a stronger character profile, but I vote yes on this as it is.
"With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark."
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